Don't Look Back
by N7Vanguard
Summary: Adam has secrets. Dark secrets, terrifying secrets, humiliating secrets. Dangerous secrets. And as Adam's past comes back to bite him in the ass, every one of these secrets will be revealed, examined, and shown to the world. Mac/Adam SLASH
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, do you REALLY think that I'd be here writing fic?

AN#1: BDSM ALERT! ANYONE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT SHOULD CLEAR THE HELL OUT!!!

AN#2: Ok, any homophobes, turn back now. This IS slash, and it WILL contain adult situations. Don't like, don't read. Con crit is welcome, and flames should be at least 3ft high. It gets cold in Berwick during the winter. And the heating bill is atrocious.

AN#3: This is just small 'dip in the pond', if you would, and it's not gonna get updated unless someone actually READS it.

* * *

Adam sank down onto a chair, pressing the palms of his hands hard against his closed eyes. He had the mother of all migraines, and everything in the lab, from the glass walls to the surface of the tables, seemed to capture light and reflect right into his face.

The past five hours of searching evidence for trace hadn't helped, either. This case was one of the hottest since he had started working for the lab, and Mac was riding everyone hard.

There had been four victims so far, all men. All were found bruised, battered, and bloody, naked except for a black leather collar around their necks. Autopsy revealed that all four were sexually active homosexuals who bottomed. Subs.

Adam shuddered. He had had enough dealings with Doms, and no matter how much he wanted to fall headlong into subspace, he wouldn't risk it. Being a sub in a safe, sane, and consensual scene was one thing. Being with a Dom who refused to acknowledge limits and refused to stop when safeworded, on the other hand...

Adam jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Adam, are you OK?"

It was Stella.

"I'm fine. Headache," Adam responded, managing a weak grin.

Stella nodded, still concerned, but nevertheless getting back to the task at hand.

"So, I got your page."

"Yeah," Adam got up, moving to the table, "I found blood on our vic's collar. It isn't his."

"How do you know?"

"Our vic's blood type is AB. The blood I found is type O."

"So our vic fought back...but Sid didn't find anything under his fingernails," Stella sighed, trying to figure out how the perp's blood had gotten on the collar.

Adam, however, already had the answer.

"I'm thinking the vic bit him."

"Bit him."

"Yeah. You said you found ligature marks on the vic's wrists and ankles. Killer tied him down, got over confident, and our vic took his chance and took a chunk outta him."

"Huh. I think you're right," Stella sighed again. "You know, I'll never understand the sexual appeal of pain."

Adam looked up from the evidence, eyes serious.

"I don't know about Doms, but for subs BDSM isn't about pain, or cruelty, or even sex. It's about trusting someone completely. Trusting that no matter how out of control you get, no matter how high you go, no matter how far you fall, you parter will catch you safely."

Seeing the look on Stella's face, he winced.

"Forget I said all that."

Stella, however, didn't.

"You live the lifestyle."

"I used to," Adam replied shortly.

"What changed?"

Adam gave a snort of disgust.

"Trusted the wrong person."

* * *

So, R and R, peeps, and tell me what you think about my first CSINY fic.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, do you REALLY think that I'd be here writing fic?

AN#1: BDSM ALERT! ANYONE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT SHOULD CLEAR THE HELL OUT!!!

AN#2: Ok, any homophobes, turn back now. This IS slash, and it WILL contain adult situations. Don't like, don't read. Con crit is welcome, and flames should be at least 3ft high. It gets cold in Berwick during the winter. And the heating bill is atrocious.

AN#3: Hey, someone actually read it! Well, I'll keep up my end of the bargain and keep writing.

* * *

Mac sat slumped in his chair, head thrown back, eyes closed. This case was taking its toll on him. It had been a shitty two weeks since the first body had been found.

And that a Dom would do that to a sub...

Mac snarled in anger and disgust.

No. This perp wasn't a Dom. He was a monster.

"Mac."

Mac jumped slightly, then relaxed. It was only Stella, sticking her head into his office.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, Stel," Mac sighed and waved a hand at the crime scene photos scattered across his desk, "Just trying to wrap my head around this."

"Adam has a theory," Stella said, coming into the office, "And I agree with it."

Mac raised an eyebrow and gestured for her to continue.

"We think the last vic might have bitten the perp."

"How's that?"

"Well, Adam found traces of blood on the vic's collar, and it wasn't the vic's, and ligature marks suggest the vic was restrained..."

"So our vic took a chance and took a chunk out of him."

Stella gave a snort of laughter.

"What?" Mac demanded.

"Adam said the same thing in the exact same wording."

"Well, you know what they say. Great minds think alike."

"I'll tell Adam you said that," Stella grinned.

Mac grinned back, then looked back down at the photos and sighed.

"I think the killer was a wannabe, not a true Dom," Mac said suddenly.

"Why do you say that?" Stella asked.

"A Dom's instinct is to dominate a sub, yes, but also to protect and comfort the sub. Not kill."

Stella once again put two and two together. Then snickered softly as she realized that Mac wasn't aware of how much he had given away.

Mac looked up as he heard Stella laugh, mentally replayed the conversation, and groaned.

"You never heard that."

"Don't worry, Mac," Stella patted him on the shoulder, "You're not the first person who lives the BDSM lifestyle that I've outed today."

"Oh, yeah? Who?"

"Uh, uh. Not telling who he is."

"He?" Mac couldn't help but ask, "At least tell me: Dom or sub?"

Stella laughed as she moved toward the door.

"Sub."

"Stel," Mac said seriously as she started to open the door, "You're okay with this?"

"C'mon, Mac," Stella looked back at him, "You've know me for how many years?"

"Thanks, Stel."

"No problem. Besides, guy on guy action is hot."

"Stella!"

Stella bolted down the hallway, laughing, as Mac yelled behind her.

* * *

So, what do you think? Should I continue?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, do you REALLY think that I'd be here writing fic?

AN#1: BDSM ALERT! ANYONE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT SHOULD CLEAR THE HELL OUT!!!

AN#2: Ok, any homophobes, turn back now. This IS slash, and it WILL contain adult situations. Don't like, don't read. Con crit is welcome, and flames should be at least 3ft high. It gets cold in Berwick during the winter. And the heating bill is atrocious.

AN#3: My muse finally decided to help out. Finally. Most likely because I kept kicking her.

AN#4: I'm sorry that my chapters tend to be so short, but between my bugging friends, my friggin Physics homework, and running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to do everything at once, I don't really have time to write the story out in my head, nevermind on paper.

* * *

"Thank God it's only a few more blocks," Adam muttered to himself, "Fucking New York..."

It was an hour after Adam had finally managed to get out of the lab, and he was quickly finding his semi-decent day turing into a bad one. First his car had refused to start, then his cab had been caught in a traffic jam caused by an accident, and when he had decided to walk the rest of the way it had decided to rain.

Scratch that.

Pour.

Adam could barely see ten feet in front of him.

He sighed in relief as he jogged up his building's front steps and through the door. A quick check to see if he had any mail and then he was hitting the sack.

They had found a fifth victim yesterday morning, and Adam hadn't been home since then. The newest nic had been like all the others except for one thing. He didn't have a collar.

Adam inserted his key into the mailbox in the wall, twisted it, and opened the box. he gathered up the envelopes and started to close the the box, but something caught his eye. Paling, he dropped his mail, fumbling for his cell phone. He shakily punched in a number.

"C'mon, c'mon, pick up."

"Bonasera."

"Stella. I think my appartment building just became a crime scene."

Sitting in the back of his mailbow was a bloodstained black leather collar.

********************

"Did you touch anything?" Stella asked Adam.

"Just the mail itself," Adam gestured to the scattered mail he had dropped on the floor.

"Okay, then," Stella set her hit down, opened it, and grabbed some gloves and evidence bags. Then she started the process of bagging, tagging, and dusting for prints. "Anyone other than you have a key?"

"Just the Super and the mailman. And maybe someone who lived in my appartment before I did."

"You know you won't be able to stay here," Stell said, closing her kit, and stripping off the latex gloves. "Not with a murdering leaving you gifts in your mailbox."

"Yeah, I know. I'll check into a hotel or something," Adam sighed, "Think you could give me a ride, Stel? My car wouldn't start back at the lab."

"Sure."

"Alright, then. I'll go and pack a bag," Adam started for the elevator.

"Wait a minute, Adam," Stella called, "I'll go up with you. Just in case."

Adam nodded.

********************

It was just as well that Stella had gone up with Adam. Someone had broken into his appartment.

It wasn't really noticeable until you got into the bedroom. On the bed, layed out as if preparation for wear, was a leather collar and four leather cuffs. Nothing else had been touched or taken.

Adam was practically in shock.

"Adam?

"They're not mine, Stel."

"Shit," Stella swore.

Startled, Adam looked over at her. Stella hardly ever swore.

"This means the killer is targeting you, Adam. No way this is a copycat or a hoax. We've been careful not to have leaks," Stella swore again. "Mac's not going to be happy."

"Mac might not be happy, but I'm pissed," Adam snarled.

Stella looked over at him. "Do you have any idea who could be targeting you?"

"No. Like I said before, I don't live the lifestyle anymore."

"At all?"

Adam rolled his eyes. "I'll go out every couple of months to unwind, but that's it."

Stella nodded and sighed, then pulled her cell phone off her belt.

"I'm gonna call Mac. Get him and Danny over here, process your entire appartment."

"Yeah," Adam said to himself as Stella started to talk on her phone, "Great."

* * *

Dun-dun-dun....so, what do you thing Adam is in for? Besides Mac pouncing on him and ravishing him?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, do you REALLY think that I'd be here writing fic?

AN#1: BDSM ALERT! ANYONE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT SHOULD CLEAR THE HELL OUT!!!

AN#2: Ok, any homophobes, turn back now. This IS slash, and it WILL contain adult situations. Don't like, don't read. Con crit is welcome, and flames should be at least 3ft high. It gets cold in Berwick during the winter. And the heating bill is atrocious.

AN#3: My muse finally decided to help out. Finally. Most likely because I kept kicking her.

* * *

Adam stood in a corner of his room, arms crossed, glowering, as Danny bagged and tagged the collar and cuffs. Stella was talking to Mac out in the living room, explaining why she had already been there, and Flack was talking to Adam's neighbors, asking if they had noticed anything odd recently.

Danny looked up from the bag he was labeling.

"Anything else missing or moved?"

"No," Adam moved toward his dresser, "Can I start packing now?"

"Yeah, I'm done in here."

Adam nodded and started pulling clothes out. He heard Danny leave, and someone else come in. He glanced over at the door as he pulled a duffle bag out from under the bed. Mac.

"You have a place to stay?"

"Hotel," Adam shoved some jeans and shirts into the bag, "Stella said she'd drop me off."

Mac's eyes narrowed.

"Why does she need to drop you off?"

"My car wouldn't start," Adam caught sight of Mac's expression. "What?"

Mac pulled out his cell and dialed a number.

"Lindsay, get someone to look Adam's car over. Look for signs of tampering."

Adam looked up sharply. "You think someone tampered with my car?"

"I'm not taking any chances."

Adam started putting clothes into the duffle bag again. Mac took the time to study him. Decent height, not to tall or short, wavy brown hair, beard just this side of scruffy, bright blue eyes. Perfect ass.

"I've got a room reserved for you at a Hotel near the lab," Stella told Adam, coming into the room and bringing Mac out of his thoughts of what he'd like to do to Adam and his perfect ass.

"So, we good to go?" Adam asked her.

"Yeah, c'mon," Stella left the room, Adam falling in behind her, and Mac brought up the rear.

Just as they reached the living room the started to ring. It rang once, and then the answering machine kicked on. Adam's voice said he wasn't here and to leave a message. Then...

"Not here, eh?" an electronic voice said, "At the Hyperion Hotel on the corner of 5th and Hudson? Room number 17?"

"Shit," Stella breathed.

"You can't escape my, Adam," the voice seemed to mock, "And, by the way, did you like the presents I left you?"

"The machine cut off, signaling that the caller had hung up.

Stella turned to Adam. "That was the room at the hotel I reserved for you."

"Shit," Adam echoed.

"We'll put a trace on your phone," Mac told Adam, "In the meantime, let's get back to the lab."

* * *

Yes, I know. Tis short. Is sorry. Will try harder.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, do you REALLY think that I'd be here writing fic? No, I wouldn't! I'd be telling Mac and Adam to strip and get it ON!!!

AN#1: BDSM ALERT! ANYONE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT SHOULD CLEAR THE HELL OUT!!!

AN#2: Ok, any homophobes, turn back now. This IS slash, and it WILL contain adult situations. Don't like, don't read. Con crit is welcome, and flames should be at least 3ft high. It gets cold in Berwick during the winter. And the heating bill is atrocious.

AN#3: I fired my muse.

* * *

Mac, Adam, and co. sat around the table in the break room, trying to figure out how the perp had gotten into Adam's apartment without leaving anything behind but a collar, cuffs, and little trace. Everyone looked up as Lindsay came into the room.

"There was no evidence of tampering," she told Adam, "But we DID change your oil and brake pads."

"Oh, ha ha," Adam snorted.

"So, where are you doing to stay?" Danny asked, bringing everyone back on topic, "If this guy already found out your first hotel room, what's to stop him from finding out your second?"

There was silence for a few seconds as everyone thought, then:

"You can stay with me," Mac offered, "I have a spare bedroom."

"You sure?" Adam asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, it's no problem," Mac then grinned slightly, feeling a bit playful, "And you won't have to worry about finding a ride to work if you car decides to go on strike again."

Stella laughed, Danny and Flack snickered, Hawkes snorted, and Lindsay looked on in mock shock.

"Did Mac just make a joke?" Lindsay asked, pretending to be dazed.

That just made everyone laugh harder. Adam just stuck his tongue out at Mac. Then Adam's cell rang, Fort Minor's 'Remember The Name' as the ringer. Adam answered.

"Hey, Ley, what's up?" Adam suddenly when pale, then practically yelled, "WHAT?!?"

A womans voice yelled back out of the cell phone, clearly agitated, "I said Carl is out of jail! Can you fucking hear me now? He's out, been out for almost two months, and you know he's going to come after you! I would've been able to tell you sooner, but I had a hard time tracking you down! God DAMMIT, Adam!"

"Fuck," Adam whimpered, and let the phone slip out of his fingers and fall to the table.

"Adam? ADAM?" the voice coming over the cell started to sound worried.

Adam didn't look like he was going to be picking it back up anytime soon, so Mac did.

"This is detective Mac Taylor with the New York Crime Lab. I'm Adam's boss. What's going on?" he practically barked into the phone.

"Detective Ley Novik, Phoenix PD," the woman snapped back, "And as for what's going on, a very dangerous man with a bone to pick with Adam was just released on parole. If you want to know anything more, ask Adam. It's his life your sticking your nose into."

Detective Novik's angry replied seemed to bring Adam back to his senses. He grabbed the phone from Mac and said, "Dammit, Ley, do you have to be a rude bitch?"

There was silence from the phone, and then a sullen, "He started it."

Adam glaced over at Mac, took in his expression, and muttered, "I'm surrounded by five years olds, and you two are separated by more than two thousands miles and are still finding a way to have a pissing contest. And you two haven't even met each other!"

There was more silence from the cell, then, "Damn, Adam, what'd you do? Switch?"

Even though he knew that no one one his end but Stella would know what Ley ment, he still blushed.

"Fuck you, Ley."

"No, babe, fuck you," was the smooth comeback, "Ok, I told you Carl's out, I've bitched at you, I've bitched at your immediate superior...anything I've forgotten?"

"Yeah, that you forgot to remind me to warn everybody in the room with me that you're crazy," Adam told her seriously.

"Love, that's a given," Ley told him, then said, "Shit, gotta go. Here comes the chief."

"Bye."

As Adam started to hit the 'End Call' button, a man could dimly be heard yelling, "Did you loose your fucking mind, Novik? Why the Hell'd you hit Sanchez?"

"Wait, you HIT him?" Adam exclaimed into the phone.

"So what if I did?" Ley replied, and hung up.

Adam put his cell phone away, looked around at the serious faces surrounding him, and sighed.

"What more is there to this story?" Mac demanded.

Adam looked around at everyone, then said bluntly, "I'm gay. When I was twenty I was in a relationship with Carl Sanchez. He almost beat me to death. I charged him with attempted murder. The jury agreed with me. He's been in jail ever since."

As he took in the shocked faces around him, Adam added, "There's also a good chance that he's the one whose been killing subs."

********************

When Stella heard that someone was after Adam, rage and fear had flooded her system. Fear for Adam, and rage that someone would dare try to hurt him. Then, when she learned that the same man had almost killed Adam, she had gone deathly white. And when it was revealed that the same man might be killing subs, she once again did what she'd been doing for the past few weeks and put two and two together.

Carl Sanchez was the Dom Adam had trusted, and he was the reason Adam didn't live the lifestyle anymore.

Stella already knew Adam was a sub, and learning he was gay didn't faze her, but it might some of the others. She glanced around, surreptitiously taking in everyone's expressions.

Danny and Don looked at each other, then at Adam. Don said, "Don't worry, Adam. This guy comes after you, me'n Danny'll take him out."

"I know of a handy place to kill him," Hawkes offered.

"Get in line," Mac told them.

"YOU get in line," Lindsay, in turn, told Mac.

"Yeah," Stella agreed with Lindsay, glad none of them were freaking out over Adam's outing, "Ever heard of ladies first?"

Adam looked at all of them, then smiled softly.

"Thanks, guys."

********************

Danny and Don looked at each other, conveying several things between them, before leaping to reassure Adam that they didn't care he was gay and that if this Carl Sanchez came after him, they'd take him out.

How could they not be okay with Adam being gay, when they were as well?

The two lovers grasped each other's hands under the table, each silently promising themselves that if this guy came after Adam, they WOULD kill him.

********************

When Mac learned what was going on, it took all his self control to keep his emotions off his face. That someone was daring to go after something that belonged to Mac...

Mac blinked when he reran that sentence through his head, then gave a mental groan.

Oh, fuck.

So much for keeping his Dom side under wraps when he was around Adam.

And then, as Stella had done, Mac put two and two together. Adam was gay. Adam had been in a relationship with a man that might be the person who was killing subs. Ergo, that man was a Dom.

Stella had said there was a male sub working at the lab.

Adam was that sub.

As everyone else was talking, Mac sat there and began to make a plan.

*********************

Everyone else had gone home, with orders from Mac not to show up until 10 am the next day. That had sparked off some arguements about coming in late during such a hot case, to which Mac had replied that they all need some extra time.

"You ready?" Mac asked Adam.

"Yeah," Adam replied, picked up his bag, and followed Mac to the elevators.

The ride over to Mac's place was uneventful and soon they were in the apartment, Mac showing Adam where stuff was.

Just as they were about to go into the spare bedroom, Mac asked:

"Adam? You're a sub, aren't you?"

Adam locked gazes with Mac, then gasped as he saw emotions there he had never hoped to see.

There was affection there, and lust, and something that demanded submission.

"Adam? It's up to you."

Adam looked up at Mac, knees weak with arousal and attraction.

"Yes."

And then Mac was on him.

* * *

Whew, wasn't quite expecting all that to come out! Tell me wha'cha think, peep.


End file.
